I'm just going to leave this here...

Some of you have already heard this, but others have not and I feel the need to post it for all of you.
On one of the last days of school our instructor was telling us about an experience she had with a healer.  I won't go into full detail, but the healer told her something that really hit home for me...

"You always have what you need around you to heal."

Goodbye for now...

Dear friends, strangers and whomever reads this (I have no idea),
This will be my last blog for a while. I have said an immense number of goodbyes and have some very rough goodbyes coming in the next few days. Quite frankly I have had enough of the goodbyes.
But I digress, you all have gotten to read over a years worth of my writing. You have gotten to be a part of my life.
This week ends another chapter, and starts a whole new beginning, yet again. I feel it's time to lay low and focus on myself and my kids for a while, in private. If you find yourself missing me, just go back and read an old blog. I may be back one day, but with the chaos that is about to ensue I need to check out for a while.
I like to say, "When life gives you lemons, put on a fun shirt and smash them." I have quite the arsenal of fun inappropriate shirts. I will be wearing them for the next month or so.
Take care friends, be kind, smile at strangers, love yourself,
Jeana

Bittersweet...

I tried to write this once, but then I thought about the past year and well...

Today is my birthday, I took a fall while hiking yesterday. It was snowy and I had my camera in my left hand. It is an automatic response for me to save the camera and take the fall. I am sore, especially my upper right arm and shoulder. I took the day off of school today, I had some allotted absences and decided to use one today.
This is my last week in Colorado, and it is bittersweet. There are so many times in life that seem to be bittersweet. I get to go back to my precious babies, and they are ready for me to be home.
I knew I would make some lifetime friends at school, it's impossible not to in such a setting. I will miss you all so much, especially those I made an incredible bond with. You have beautiful souls, that I will miss interacting with on an almost daily basis. The bonds you make in massage school are unlike any other. You took me as I am, quirks, attitude and all. Thank you, for seeing me and accepting me just as I am. Please forgive me if I become a bit quiet and distant this week, I try not to, it's something I am working on. However, it is an automatic response, just like taking a fall to save the camera. It's my way of preparing for what is to come...
I will leave you with the words to a song sung by Jasmine Thompson...

                                                                 "Home"
                                                              (originally by Gabrielle Aplin)

I'm a phoenix in the water
A fish that's learnt to fly I've always been a daughter
But feathers are meant for the sky
So I'm wishing, wishing further
For the excitement to arrive
It's just I'd rather be causing the chaos
Than laying at the sharp end of this knife

With every small disaster I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home

So when I'm ready to be bolder
And my cuts have healed with time
Comfort will rest on my shoulder
And I'll bury my future behind I'll always keep you with me
You'll be always on my mind
But there's a shining in the shadows I'll never know unless I try

With every small disaster I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home home home home

'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home

Home...

At school this morning our instructor set our intentions for the day. She asked that we focus on happiness, smiling, the ability to really focus and be present today. She told us as our program is nearing an end we need to not think of our last week and a half as a downhill slope, but rather an uphill climb to soak up as much as we could and finish strong.
It was perfect for us to hear this morning. Then it hit me, I only have one week ( and two days) left. This weekend is my last "real" weekend in this apartment. My actual last weekend is booked, I am taking another training all day Saturday and I move out of my apartment Sunday October 16th. Now that I barely have any time left here I am finally figuring out my way around. I know where I am going. I only get flipped off in Denver traffic once a week instead of daily.
I am going to miss this apartment. It feels like home, more like home than anywhere I've been the last year. I will miss this area, with it's beautiful views, cute downtown within walking distance and the safeness I feel here.
I am going to miss the amazing people I have gotten to know, the amazing friends I have gained. This time away gave me so much, strength, growth, education, solace. I have nearly found me again.  I can't wait to see my kids and squeeze them, but I will miss all this.
I have thought about going camping this weekend, I at least need a day in the mountains. They bring me peace and revive me. I will be back sooner rather than later. I have some practicum hours I need to get, exit interviews, the EMBLEX to take. I have had lodging offered during the times I am back, but it will not be the same as when I am here in this little apartment that feels like home.