It's Been a While...

I would really love a lighthearted funny blog...
I guess life just hasn't been as lighthearted as I would prefer lately.
Early on in the process of my divorce I had a friend advise me not to isolate myself. At the time I kind of blew it off...
We lived in Edgar for close to ten years.  We were blessed with the most amazing neighbors on either side of our house. The same can be said for the surrounding block, but the ones on either side went out of their way for us many times.
Last week I attended a funeral for one of those neighbors son. He lost his battle to cancer at the age of 37, my age. My heart broke when I heard the news, this amazing kind, loving family has been through so much the past few years, even more so this last year. It was a meaningful, beautiful service that shone light on an amazing man.
As I was in Edgar at the dinner that followed I realized suddenly just how much I have isolated myself. Colorado was hard for me, being away from my kids and going to school. That being said it was also the best thing for me. I got to be just another face in a sea of faces. No one knew me, I went about my day as me, not as (insert child's name) mom, not as so and so's relative. I was me, just known as me. Don't get me wrong I couldn't be happier or prouder to be my kids mom, I just lost my own identity.
Coming back was hard, I had finally started being comfortable in my own skin. It hit me when someone said, the neighborhood isn't what it used to be when you lived there. There are days it feels like we just left, and days it feels like we've been gone forever. The saddest part is we only moved 13 miles away.
I'm not making excuses for myself, I am just being honest. A lot has happened and changed especially  in the last six months. It was such a change being in Colorado, since I have been back I have really kept to myself. I had someone ask me if I was back yet. I apologize to those I love the most, I shut you out and I have been struggling with how to let you back in. It is me, I have become so self conscience. I just want to keep my kids happy, bear with me as I figure out how to be me again.