Tedious...

Bear with me, this column is going to be all over the place. I'm afraid I am all over the place right now. I've been debating writing anything of this sort, I let you into my personal life to an extent, do I touch this subject, or just move on... I am a perfectionist, I get it from my mother. If I can't do it well, I don't want to do it at all. This also means I have on patience. I do not like tedious tasks, they make my skin crawl. There are times that a decision needs a lot of careful consideration, and time to think it out. When it is necessary, I take that time. I like to do things and get them done, move on. I don't like being stuck, when I am stuck and struggling with something, it wears me down, and consumes me until I can somehow fix it and move on. When I make a decision, it's made. I go with it and try not to look back. That being said, I am also very empathetic. In this job, I get to know people, that can be a struggle for me. I get very submerged into the events I cover, I feel passionate about some things. Covering sports especially. I am going to talk about wrestling some once again. After covering the Red Raiders quite a bit now, I am starting to get wrestling a little more. I will always find aspects about is gross. That's just because I am very weird about, well, sweat and personal space. I have learned so much about all these different sports, they all have such a different atmosphere. As time had gone on, I have felt the most comfortable at wrestling meets. Life is constantly changing, as are people and situations. Mine certainly has, especially in the last few months. Lately I am struggling to see where exactly I fit in. I am stuck, and it is getting to me. You see, I hate to sound cliche, but there are people in your life you think really care about you, but things change and you lose them. There are also people that you never really even saw, they show up when you need someone the most and become a part of your lifeline. AS a mother, you learn about unconditional love. There are also unconditional friendships. Those are amazing, if you find them, hold onto them, take care of them. I have seen just how much of my life is based on conditions. You see, I would like to and have somewhat hidden myself away. Now that I am covering so many events, I have to put myself out there, be seen in the public eye. As I said, every sporting event has such a different atmosphere. Wrestling for instance, some say it's a lonely sport. I disagree, yes, it is up to the wrestler as an individual to make it to the net round. However, the support system is incredible. Wrestling is about determination, strength, technique, respect, heart and heartbreak. Wrestling was a whole new world for me. I realize each situation is what you make of it. That is the one sport I should have felt the most uncomfortable with. I knew nothing about it, I didn't understand it, I didn't know most of the kids I was covering and or their families. I am quiet and reserved, but once you get to know me, I can have a strong personality. You have to take me in stride. Wrestling is also about acceptance, I can walk into a meet, and not get "looks" from people. I get smiles, people scoot over so you have a place to sit. You tend to know your opponents and their family. There are even times you cheer on the person that beat you. It's like a giant family atmosphere. I found acceptance there when I needed it the most. No questions about who I am or what I am up to. No friendships based on conditions. Those are the friendships that are causing me to struggle, and be stuck. I didn't want anyone new in my life. New people came, and it was for the better. It turns out now the old familiar places are the ones I am struggling with.